Perhaps you think it’s odd, a teenage girl writing about fatherhood. And I feel a little odd, writing this, but it’s been on my heart and I think it needs to be said.
Our world is sadly lacking in true fatherhood. Whilst I have been blessed with a wonderful, Godly father, several of my friends have not. And it breaks my heart, that they have to struggle so hard to see God as a real father, because their earthly father is so lacking.
I’m not brave. I never have been. I have to be coaxed into doing new things, and the place I like best is my bedroom, because I’ve always felt safe there.
Recently, I’ve had to be really brave–or at least, what constitutes as brave for me. I applied for college, and got accepted. In less than a year, I’m leaving home. I’m going to be away from my family and the friends I’ve had since childhood.
I’ve always loved Christmas. The day after Thanksgiving, you can find me running around the house in a Santa hat, setting up the tree and wrapping tinsel around the banister, trying to get the dog to sit still enough to tie a bow around his neck and singing Christmas carols like there’s no tomorrow. I’m a total Christmas sprite.
Recently, there was a Twitter post about me with some misleading information. I’m not mad at the girl who did it–I can definitely see how the situation could be misconstrued–but I’m asking now that you monitor what you’re posting. You might have misread the information, which can be embarrassing for you and for others involved, but it’s also really just not your business. I can understand being excited about something you think has happened, and I can see how you might want to share that with everyone. But please just don’t. The people involved probably want to share whatever information that was in their own time and way, and they probably don’t want everyone talking about them.
God doesn’t change His mind, ever, but sometimes people think He means one thing and He actually means another. This happened to me fairly recently–I thought God wanted me to do one thing, but it turned out He actually just wanted me to stop being an idiot, not avoid that thing like a cliche.
Have you ever meditated on the concept of forgiveness? We ask for it without even thinking sometimes–”Father, please forgive me for such-and-such”–and a lot of the time I know I forget how hard it is. Not for me to get it. It’s mine as soon as I ask. But what it cost God to allow me to be forgiven.
Today, I am grumpy. I have a lot of work to do, and not a lot of time to do it. I overslept this morning, and I forgot that I have to have a working essay done in two days. I’m so tired, and it feels like all the work I have to do and all the tests I have to study for are going to make my brain explode.
That’s a pretty darn difficult thing to do, let me tell you what. Because a lot of the time, the Bible is not interesting at all. It’s just not.
So I was sitting at my dining room table, with papers and notebooks and Bibles spread out all over the place, and a notebook full of scribbled-out words in front of me.