Slam! The door thuds against the frame. The screams of my father fade as I quickly cover my face, tears wetting each cheek. The darkness only exemplifies the pain thumping in my chest– I have never felt so…alone.
It seems that the older I get, the more obvious it becomes that I have long craved the love of my father. After years of neglect and abuse, I thought I wanted nothing to do with him. However, years later, I realize I still wish I had something to fill the hole in my heart. I still feel like I was abandoned. I still feel like I need love.
Now, we all cope with this pain in different ways. After watching enough movies, I believe I can make the educated assumption that I acted out as many other girls do who have had father issues. I tried to replace that love. Searching for that perfect guy to love me the way I needed to be loved, I followed the wrong path. In the end, it only intensified the fact that I thought I could not be loved. However, through my failure, and my angst, I eventually quit looking for some person to love me forever- I began to look to my real father.
After reflecting upon my life, I soon realized that through my many struggles, there was always an overlying good. God had always been behind the scenes taking care of me. God had ALWAYS loved me. (Please listen to attached audio to hear an instance of this unfailing love)
Considering this, I challenge each of you to take a look back, into the darkest moments of your life, and to use this perspective. I challenge you to look past the hurt, and to see where God had been carrying you. For God has always been and will always be there to love you– God will always be your real father.
Psalms 27: 10
“10Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me.”
I have dimples. That is all you need to know. Just kidding. I am Jeli. In the past year I have undergone a lot of life-altering events in which my faith has really benefited. I have learned a lot about what I have done wrong and what I should do right. That is why I am here, on TAYA. I want to tell you guys about those things that I did wrong, and to brainstorm ideas with you all on how to do right. So venture with me, think with me, and pray with me. :) Let's do this thing!
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